Damn...

I am still in that van on the way to LA. The same song playing over and over again, while I look outside escaping to the green, outside, flying with the blue, far, so distant... Fun conversations, laughter -- until someone suggests another song... But you are sitting in the front... monopolising the cd player.

Now I listen to different versions of that song, and I close my eyes tight, imagining the fear of going bungee jumping... You missed me that day... Came by my dorm a few times, while I was flying in the air, holding on to the rope, and to the hope of never losing you. Really, never wanted to lose you. Holding onto you -- to the memory of you, the pieces of the puzzle that I remember now, which make no sense.

You used to be there day and night, all the time, and in my mind, and when I went to bed and woke up. Then gone. Rain drops on my window, taking you away. It hurts. The pain is greater than what we were, I know. I tend to fantasize, and dramatise, dream day and night, and listen to songs over and over again, and make up stories in my head. A normal day becomes something else and we become soul mates.

But that was just a sunny day. Bungee jumping in LA. When I had you and youth. When we were. When we were in real life. Not a story -- of a kind -- that exists in my mind.