Life in a Bouncing Bubble

Tonight was an interesting night indeed. I met up with friends from childhood who carry a bit of me in themselves and vice-versa.

I remembered stories that might have been dreams, such as the party with a swimming pool, which I seem to have attended by myself, and thrown myself in the water late at night. No one remembers that... I still do. It was a Halloween party and I was, of course, dressed as a witch. I remember removing my witch hat before diving, and fighting not to drown, as my heavy witch costume pulled me down. Maybe I went to that party alone. I mean, there were others, but I can’t recall one person that was there to ensure me it wasn’t a dream.

Very common in my world: reality getting itself mixed up with dreams. Is this real right now or am I in a comma waiting to wake up and have you back? What is reality: the moments we miss dearly, the ones we will never forget (even the ones that never happened), or is reality right here right now even if right here right now doesn’t mean anything and will be forgotten in the next second?

Is reality the Fringe Festival every August in Edinburgh? Is reality that kiss? That kiss that never happened? That musical? That old theater? That last dance before we looked for a night bus almost all night long? The first time I looked into your eyes? When we first said hi in class? The yellow lights in a far away park that I seem to visit often (and every time in my dreams)? Is it the love we thought we felt deep in our hearts? My sudden taste for Jazz music? My loud and scary laughter? The Halloween party with a swimming pool... the effort not to drown in heavy clothing? Meeting childhood friends that didn’t seem to have attended ‘the party’.

It is a gigantic bouncing bubble that moves up and down in scenarios where you feel at home or where you feel in a door less sauna thirsty to get out. Next time I feel at home, I will make sure to stay: no matter how lonely, bored, disappointed or sad I feel at times. Real moments are also made of these things that I try to keep pushing away from the bubble.